I’ve decided not to hide the fact that I’m bipolar from anyone. Obviously, there is an appropriate context for it, but this feels similar to people hiding their sexual orientation. Perhaps it will make some people uncomfortable. But I want people to see that someone with bipolar can live a mostly normal life if they’re compliant with meds. Or that even when I’m struggling, I’m still a good guy.
Now, when I say open, I’m not open about everything, like my issues with hypersexuality. This is really the scariest part of my manifestation. I would not want women to be uncomfortable with me (or too comfortable with me), or men to feel the need to lock up their wives.
It’s hard for me to keep secrets about myself. I tend to be an open book, for better or for worse. You want to be my friend? Then you need to know this so that it won’t catch you of guard when things get rough. The ups and the downs are a part of what makes me who I am.
I think that’s confusing to me sometimes. I don’t have the ups and downs that I used to have. So who am I? As my sister-in-law once said “sometimes I just really miss crazy-ass [insert my name here)]” That made me feel like a little sad, because crazy-ass is a part of who I am. My mania can be overwhelming to people, but some people loved me that way. If my wife divorced me and my kids were grown, maybe I’d quit my meds and find that place again. But even then, my job would be at stake. I guess I’ll have to settle for normal.