Level – confusing results

So I’ve been level for several days.  Perhaps that means my new doses are working, or perhaps it’s something unhealthy that’s working.  I got level soon after picking up an old, nasty habit: smoking.  This is bad, because now I don’t know which worked.  I don’t want to get into the habit of smoking again.  I worked so hard to quit it in May.

It calms me down.  I learned that 70% of people with bipolar smoke.  Those are some pretty tough odds.  But why?  Why do so many of us smoke?  “The reason why many depressed people feel better after smoking a cigarette is that they are correcting a chemical imbalance altered temporarily by nicotine

I’m not depressed.  I’ve been hypomanic, though, for about a month.  My wife pointed out that people with bipolar get something extra in their pleasure centers when they smoke.  I don’t know where she got that information.  But people with mental illness live 25 fewer years than the general population because of shit like this.

So, I’m going with the likelihood that the medicine fixed me and the smoking with just a byproduct of my being sick.  I’ll smoke out the rest of the day then toss them.  Yeah yeah.  I know it’s pretty lame that I’ll smoke the rest of the day, but I am bipolar after all.

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