Bipolar Identity

In one of my other blogs, I describe myself as follows:

I’m a software engineer, a music director at a United Methodist Church, a voice teacher, a musician, bipolar, an alcoholic, a family man, and a Christian (not the anti-gay blah blah blah type).

This is how I identify.   I teach voice every Saturday.  I practice or perform frequently.  I am an active daily father.  I practice my faith continuously.  I attend AA.  But what about bipolar?

I’ve been writing up a storm lately because of my stormy moods.  I finally have something to write about. Being well is quite boring to write about.  I’ve been relatively level so far this week.   Unlike the other elements of my identity, I don’t really have much going on bipolar-wise most of the time, at least until the last couple of months.  I find myself unable to demonstrate my disorder when I’m well.

That sounds so silly, but it’s true.  I feel the need for people to see for themselves what bipolar looks like in my life.  Deep down, I am insecure.  I worry that people think that I’m not really bipolar because they don’t see it because I’m well-medicated.

But I suppose it’s a blessing that I have little to show for my illness anymore.  I wouldn’t wish a full return of my illness.  I care too much about the people in my life.

 

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