In one of my other blogs, I describe myself as follows:
I’m a software engineer, a music director at a United Methodist Church, a voice teacher, a musician, bipolar, an alcoholic, a family man, and a Christian (not the anti-gay blah blah blah type).
This is how I identify. I teach voice every Saturday. I practice or perform frequently. I am an active daily father. I practice my faith continuously. I attend AA. But what about bipolar?
I’ve been writing up a storm lately because of my stormy moods. I finally have something to write about. Being well is quite boring to write about. I’ve been relatively level so far this week. Unlike the other elements of my identity, I don’t really have much going on bipolar-wise most of the time, at least until the last couple of months. I find myself unable to demonstrate my disorder when I’m well.
That sounds so silly, but it’s true. I feel the need for people to see for themselves what bipolar looks like in my life. Deep down, I am insecure. I worry that people think that I’m not really bipolar because they don’t see it because I’m well-medicated.
But I suppose it’s a blessing that I have little to show for my illness anymore. I wouldn’t wish a full return of my illness. I care too much about the people in my life.