I have a good friend on Facebook from my high school days who is bipolar. Half the time he’s unmedicated due to insurance issues because he changes jobs a lot, and the other half because of the uncomfortable side effects. I mentioned that I was loving Jessica Jones on Netflix which is a comic superhero show. He told me that was old news. I told him that I had wanted to watch Gotham and Daredevil before starting Jessica. He said “You call yourself bipolar? I am simultaneously watching every comic book show on television.” That’s a lot. I don’t even know. 12?
My response was that I own 17 blogs. His response was “now you’re just making stuff up.”
My wife saw the comment. She knew I was prolific, but not 17 blogs prolific. I tried to explain that I’m not writing them all at once. I just have a lot of great ideas and I work on them when can, or I abandon them and keep them just in case I have a break through.
But how do you tell a sane person you own 17 blogs and it not sound crazy? There might not be a way. Honestly, I don’t think it’s too bad. I cannot list them without revealing my true identity. For all you know I’m a bipolar Batman blogging in a cave. But here’s the gist
1.) Closer To the Middle (which you are reading right now)
2.) 10 chapters of a gritty, noir-ish novel about a drunk who gets entangled with a runaway teen in San Francisco
3.) A poetry blog
4.) The first part to a very incriminating memoir
5.) My writer home page
6.) A flash fiction blog
7.) 50k words of a novel about a guy who discovers that he might have angelic powers
8.) a personal journal
9.) A rather popular java programming blog
10.) The first 10 chapters of a book about the significance of Sin (major hyper-religious episode)
11.) The first chapter of a novel about an old church in an antebellum town which contains an ugly secret
12.) An 8-week study of The Beatitudes
13.) A blog dedicated to amateur artistic endeavors
14.) A complete fiction web serial about a guy with Aspergers who lives his life through his experience of smell
15.) A travel log of my family’s upcoming trip to Disney
16.) A work journal
17.) A spiritual blog dedicated to the notion of personal peace.
To me that’s not a lot, but I recognize the manic pattern here. So many unfinished projects. So many interesting ideas. To someone who is not bipolar, this may seem crazy. I suppose it is. But I’m only actively writing five blogs right now. The rest are on hold or defunct.
I write more when I’m manic. This is my third post today. Things are kind of slow at work, so I’m writing. When I was in therapy, my therapist suggested that I quit writing because it might be a trigger. I tried, but I ultimately failed. I have to work things out on paper or out loud. I interview myself in the car constantly when I’m manic. I like to say that that’s how I develop my ideas and work through my problems, but it’s more than that. It is narcissism. I like the sound of my own voice. I dream of being in a real interview on NPR. I dream of books being published and made into movies. I’ve caught myself walking and talking to myself on the street like a schizophrenic. I’m not, but that’s a little too close to comfort.
So this blog stuff really has my wife worried. It’s like she just pulled one more layer of my crazy onion. It alarmed her greatly. I wasn’t really trying to hide it from her, but I’ve never mentioned just how many blogs I own. I don’t intend to do anything about it. I’m a very multi-faceted man and I need ways of expressing it. Father, husband, church music director, software engineer, classical singer, classical tuba player, on-and-off-again keyboard player in a country band, voice teacher, fiction writer, blogger, sketch artist, perpetual reader, logophile, meditation junkie, alcoholic, cook, Christian, tv junkie, and garden-variety nut job. It drives my wife nuts. She lives a very simple, normal life and can’t understand why I have to be so complicated, or why I need 17 blogs. All of this is normal to me. It’s the way I like it. I’m on a constant rotation of all of those facets from month-to-month, day-to-day, hour-to hour.