My level of mania influences my dreams. Back in my unmedicated days I had a recurring dream. I dreamed that I was chasing tornadoes. Instead of trying to protect my family, I would ditch them and go search the tornadoes out. When I started treatment, I had one more dream before these dreams went away for good. I dreamed I protected my family from the storm. It’s not hard to interpret this dream pattern. The tornado represents danger, sexual conquest, destructive behavior, or some such. And me chasing them represents my state of mania.
I have a tight rule about dreams. I don’t share them with friends and family. I don’t believe they necessarily predict the future; rather, they are an expression of a subconscious struggle or feeling. Not only do people hate having to hear people’s dreams, they should have that kind of access to the subconscious of another person. People who think their dreams are interesting conversation don’t take into to consideration that they only make sense to one person: the dreamer, and there’s the fact that the interpretation could be obvious to a friend or a spouse based on what they’ve observed with the person. The dream might confirm something that they were concerned about. Infidelity, sexuality (not that having a minority sexuality is bad, but it can destroy a marriage), suicidal thoughts, dissatisfaction with marriage.
Enter snakes. I’ve had 3 deadly snake dreams in the last month; a month I’ve been struggling consciously with mania. In each dream a snake scenario is thrust on me and I have to be the one to handle it. I have to get rid of the snakes or protect ,my family from them or escape them. I can’t remember all of the details anymore, but the one I had last night involved a professor from music school or disliked me.
Let’s say that the snake is equivalent to the tornado. But my behavior is different. I do not seek out the snakes. They are unwanted dangers thrust upon me. It is so clear. The temptations and destruction are in front of me, but I am scared because I see the danger. And not to mention the fact that snakes represent temptation in the Bible.
I do not welcome either of these kinds of dreams. I have no fascination with either tornadoes or snakes in dreams. I want to be safe and I want my family to be safe from me; from my illness.