Somewhere in Time

mv5bmti3mti4mze3mv5bml5banbnxkftztcwotmznzawmq-_v1_uy1200_cr11306301200_al_SPOILERS:  I really don’t know whether I’m coming or going mood-wise.  I do know I did something dangerous this morning:  I listened to the Somewhere in Time theme song.  This is a piece of music that will send me spiraling into a pit of obsession and depression.

Somewhere in Time, starring  Christopher Reeve, Jane Seymour, Christopher Plummer, is about a play write who runs across a picture of a woman in an old hotel.  He becomes obsessed with it to the point he feels that he must travel in time to meet her.  He does it with a method he learns from a professor at his alma mater.  There, he falls in love, but he makes a fatal error by accidentally bringing a modern penny with him.  He returns to the modern day and cannot return.  He dies of a broken heart.

Although there is much more to the film, this is the basis for a cult obsession with the characters, the Grand Hotel, and the method of metaphysical time travel.  I’m sure that many thousands of people have attempted the time travel technique and failed.

The thing is, I feel his obsession.  I feel the painful longing to be with the Seymour character.  And it manifests itself in the recurring musical theme by John Barry (James Bond movies, Dance With Wolves).

When I start to get depressed, I turn to this theme and two others:  the theme from the movie Carrie and theme from the movie Vertigo.  I have terrible obsessive attachments to these movies and their themes.

Vertigo (Alfred Hitchcock, Jimmy Stewart, Kim Novak) is a movie about obsession with a mysterious and beautiful young woman and a con job.  It ruins Jimmy Stewart’s life and kills Kim Novak.  Carrie is a horror story about a girl with deadly telekinetic powers.  It’s not a movie about obsession but I struggle with obsession with the Sissy Spacek character.  I’m obsessed with the possibility that her story will not end in tragedy, but of course it does.

So the question is, why do I become obsessed, and why do I give in to it when I’m ill?

I’m groggy from medicine and gluten at the moment, so I lack clarity.  I think that it is about needing to feel something strong.  Those characters experience debilitating obsessive feelings;  Reeve to travel back to his true love, Stewart to have the girl and unravel the mystery, and Carrie to be a normal, accepted kid.

I get obsessive about women and I am obsessed with fitting in.  Why obsession with women?  I might first say that I was obsessed with my wife before we married, although I no longer am.  I’m obsessed with a pianist, a checkout girl at a grocery store, and numerous others.  Interesting to note that I’m almost always obsessed with a pianist:  3 so far.

I don’t know really.  Why is anyone obsessed with a woman?  It’s not necessarily a sexual obsession.  With Carrie, it is a protective obsession.  I feel that if I could just be her father, I could protect her from herself.  With Seymour it is about true love.  With Novak it is about possession.

And in all 3 cases, there is a musical theme which expresses the obsession.  Ack!!! My feelings here are so intense.  I cry and ache when I hear them.  I listen to them obsessively.  I struggle to sleep with them running through my head.  I know that I should stay away, but I love/hate the way they make me feel.  It helps me express my obsessions.  (Sigh) The more I listen, the deeper I sink into depression.  I want to feel the pain of heartache in all of these films.  Heartache means that I have loved deeply.  It is no less important than the feeling of falling in love.  They are 2 sides of the same coin, and who doesn’t crave the feeling of falling in love?


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