I recently drove my family to Orlando for Disney and Universal. It threw my routine off. Instead of getting up at 7 am and taking meds to go to work and getting home at 5:45 from work and taking meds, we would sleep in and I might not take my meds until lunch time. Or we would stay out and or be driving and I wouldn’t take my meds until bedtime. This caused some disruption in my mood. I became very difficult to be around on several occasions.
What this means is that I did not have a plan. I was not intentional at all, and I (we) suffered because of it.
One night, in particular, we arrived in Memphis after a 12 hour drive. I couldn’t take my Seroquel because it makes me unfit to drive, but I don’t let anyone else drive. I hate the way my wife drives, and I don’t trust my kids, yet. In the last 30 minutes of the drive, I got very agitated. I yelled at everybody to be quiet and said something ugly to my wife.
When we got in around 9 pm. I let everyone out and went to park the car. On the way back, I was in a bad state. There was smoking outside. There was a bar in the lobby. And there were attractive women everywhere. I was in a mood that if I hopped on the elevator with the right person at the right time, there could have been a kiss.
In the lobby I prayed the AA 3rd step prayer and resisted to booze. I haven’t had to pray that in a long while. Outside, I said my mantra “Now that I’m a non-smoker, I will discover healthier ways to deal with stress.” It worked. I made it through. I got into the room, and avoided everybody until I got into bed and went to sleep.
I’m seeing a new therapist very soon. I can’t wait to dump all of this on him. I can’t really talk it all out with any one person, and I can no longer talk to my wife about it. She has her own stuff to deal with and it has a lot to do with my stuff. I really hope he can help me get things under control.