Travel Challenges

6615cd0d085a97050f503fe09f1a49b8I recently drove my family to Orlando for Disney and Universal.  It threw my routine off.  Instead of getting up at 7 am and taking meds to go to work and getting home at 5:45 from work and taking meds, we would sleep in and I might not take my meds until lunch time.  Or we would stay out and or be driving and I wouldn’t take my meds until bedtime.  This caused some disruption in my mood.  I became very difficult to be around on several occasions.

What this means is that I did not have a plan.  I was not intentional at all, and I (we) suffered because of it.

One night, in particular, we arrived in Memphis after a 12 hour drive.  I couldn’t take my Seroquel because it makes me unfit to drive, but I don’t let anyone else drive.  I hate the way my wife drives, and I don’t trust my kids, yet.  In the last 30 minutes of the drive, I got very agitated. I yelled at everybody to be quiet and said something ugly to my wife.

When we got in around 9 pm.  I let everyone out and went to park the car.  On the way back, I was in a bad state.  There was smoking outside.  There was a bar in the lobby.  And there were attractive women everywhere.  I was in a mood that if I hopped on the elevator with the right person at the right time, there could have been a kiss.

In the lobby I prayed the AA 3rd step prayer and resisted to booze.  I haven’t had to pray that in a long while.  Outside, I said my mantra “Now that I’m a non-smoker, I will discover healthier ways to deal with stress.”  It worked.  I made it through.  I got into the room, and avoided everybody until I got into bed and went to sleep.

I’m seeing a new therapist very soon.  I can’t wait to dump all of this on him.  I can’t really talk it all out with any one person, and I can no longer talk to my wife about it.  She has her own stuff to deal with and it has a lot to do with my stuff.  I really hope he can help me get things under control.

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2 thoughts on “Travel Challenges

  1. I just wanted to say that I’ve been on many road trips with family and friends where other people (without a bipolar diagnosis) have snapped. Vacations can be hard for anyone, there are a lot of unknowns and stress that can throw folks off. I don’t want to minimize your experience in any way but I know I am apt to blame every irritation on my illness, even when the situation is enough to make the most sane people crack. If doing your best left you around average travel irritability level then I’d say you deserve a little more credit!

    • True! But I can tell the difference. I freaked out in a way that only happens when the Seroquel wears off. It’s terrible, and I feel so badly about it. But you are right that that kind of travel can be enough for anyone to lose it; however, I’ve never lost it level. And I never lost it like this on a trip before bipolar became active. So that’s the conclusion I draw.

      What I really would have liked to do is taken a long smoke and drink a few doubles of whiskey before coming up to the room. That was my old way of coping. The thought of it could sometimes be enough to give me patience. But that stopped working well so I had to quit.

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