I don’t usually write on this blog when I am healthy. I have a healthy Daniel blog (let’s call me Daniel) and a sick Daniel blog and never the twain shall meet. My doctor put me on two doses of Seroquel a few months ago; one for when I get home and one for when I go to sleep. It wears off around between 3 and 4 pm when I’m still at work. And now it’s not even that good.
I’m back to the high-strung, intense, impatient angry Daniel Of all the manics to be, this is my least favorite. I don’t like the way it feels. I feel bad about the way I interact with people. Everything is difficult. I feel edgy and wound up all the time. What about the euphoric productive me? What about the sexy me? Those versions of me feel good, but not without some serious consequences.
I’ve been without health insurance for 3 months while I transition into a new job, a good job. I will have great insurance on October 1st. Until then, I’m not seeing my doc and I’m scratching up the money to buy my drugs without prescription drug benefits. It’s no wonder poor people are struggling with mental illness. The cost of being well is extraordinary!
But here I am, struggling again. Yelling at my daughter. Sewing discord at work and at church. Grinching at my wife. Ignoring my son.
I don’t know what my doc is going to do with me. I took an extra Seroquel once hoping it would calm me down more, but it made me miserable. I had somnia, felt wired and sick. It feels like a sedative when I take 2. But it’s not a sedative.
“Seroquel (Quetiapine) is known as an anti-psychotic drug (atypical type). It works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances (neurotransmitters) in the brain.” webmd
It’s good stuff, but it doesn’t feel like enough right now. My wife’s psychologist says that if I’m taking 2 Seroquel and still struggling with mania then it is getting serious because Seroquel is heavy duty stuff. It’s also used for psychosis and schizophrenia.
So I’m taking as much Seroquel and Geodon that I can tolerate without anxiety/panic issues and insomnia. I’ve got Lithium and Lamictal to work with…or some other drug entirely.
Writing helps. Being validated helps as well. Maybe that’s why I’m writing.