Much has happened since my last post Checking In. I’ve developed what appears to be permanent Drug-Induced Parkinsonism (DIP). My head kind of bobs and my shoulders wiggle. I don’t think anything can be done. I have accepted this as a new normal. To try to combat it, I went off all antipsychotics (which for me was Geodon). The good news about that is that my anxiety went away so I could go off Buspar, and off Buspar I can sleep well again. That’s a big deal because insomnia is how I developed a drinking problem.
I’m grateful to have developed a drinking problem because it made me eligible for Alcoholics Anonymous which has turned my life around. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been and that has a lot to do with it. I am maturing again. I’ve gotten my shit together in just about every possible way. It took years of work and treatment and practice to get here and there are no guarantees that I’ll stay well, but living well has helped me live well.
I cannot say what the future holds and I don’t really care. I care about being right here, writing this post and thinking about you as you read this. Are you well? Are you struggling? Are you searching for answers to why you are experiencing what you are experiencing?
I am living proof that a pill-popping, Bipolar I, alcoholic, insomniac, lying cheater can recover. But I know of no easy path to where I am.
- I take my meds every day
- I see my pdoc every 8 weeks or so
- I check-in for therapy when things go awry
- I eat healthier and take a multivitamin, fish oil, and vitamin D daily
- I quit smoking
- I attend AA meetings every week and check-in with my sponsor
- I sponsor other alcoholics
- I pursue spiritual development in a spiritual community, meditation, prayer, reading, and writing
- I walk 2 miles or more a day
- I balance my budget every day
- I am honest with my wife and live a life worthy of her trust.
- I draw boundaries with people
All of these practices are critical for sustaining my quality of my life.
It may sound like a lot, and it has taken me years to get here. I have found that each practice builds on another and makes another easier to build.
I am 46. I am entering that second half of life when I will either remaining an egoistic narcissist or begin a new journey of which I am finally able to embark. You could have given me a million dollars and every self-help book on the market and I still wouldn’t have been able to do it before. I had to live through what I lived through. There is no skipping ahead.
Life can get better if you want it to! I never thought it could be what it is now. I wish you the best! DO NOT GIVE UP.
Closer to the Middle 